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  • Alt Ending of the Day


    Maybe it was because we were discussing books here yesterday, but last night I couldn’t get the famous “Time Enough At Last” episode of the Twilight Zone out of my head. Just like the way everything comes to a halt at the studio when we start pondering how to survive in a world populated with zombies, I also can’t not put myself in Burgess Meredith’s position- the world has been destroyed by H-bombs, I don’t care because I’ve found a library full of books, I have horrible vision, my glasses fall off and smash. So to get some sleep I quickly wrote an epilogue to follow Rod Serling’s pedantic musing that somehow this poor little beset upon man is connected to the people who designed the bombs because he’s trying to read an effing book without everyone giving him hell all day.


    Serling walks away as Henry Bemis looks up with a near-maniacal smile. He reaches into his coat pocket- he had almost forgotten that he carried extra glasses like anyone with such terrible vision would. Bemis puts on his glasses and sits back down at the table, opening the nearest book.

    CLOCK MONTAGE: Time elapses as Bemis works through several books over the next few days, finally noticing the skin of his hand beginning to fall off. Weak from hunger he slumps down at the table, succumbing to starvation and radiation poisoning.


    Comment from kjchen
    Time: December 30, 2008, 10:20 am

    And all of the books are copies of Jim Ottaviani’s Fallout. What a twist!

    Comment from Parker
    Time: December 30, 2008, 10:33 am

    Good one!

    Comment from Shad
    Time: December 30, 2008, 10:42 am

    Thank you Jeff! I always hated that episode. Now it’s tidy.

    Comment from Matt Wieringo
    Time: December 30, 2008, 11:36 am

    Man, you are dark. So you guys do the zombie thing too? Suzanne and I do that too, to the point of evaluating different stores when we’re shopping, for zombie-proofness. One day, she came to pick me up after my chiropractor appointment and saw me staring up at a building with few windows and held up by concrete pillars. When I told her it would make a good place to hold up in the event of zombie holocaust, she said, “I KNEW that’s what you were doing!”

    Comment from Parker
    Time: December 30, 2008, 11:50 am

    There will only be Comics people running the world after the Zombie Holocaust, because We Will Be PREPARED. We need some kind of insignia so others know to defer to us in the chaos.

    You’re going to head for the coast and get a boat, right?

    Comment from zailo
    Time: December 30, 2008, 1:08 pm

    You know who else would be good at this game? John Carpenter. “Last stand at the Alamo” seems to be his cinematic leitmotif.

    Comment from Craig
    Time: December 30, 2008, 2:03 pm

    Dude, you provided two ironic endings to top Serling’s ironic ending… how ironic is that?

    Comment from Beast
    Time: December 31, 2008, 5:29 pm

    Man Jeff, you’re oddly morbid tonight.

    Reminds me of that parody of it from Futurama. “The Scary Door”.

    [Opening credits.]

    Announcer: You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.

    [Scene: In a desolated world, a man with glasses walks through a library that was somehow spared from destruction.]

    Announcer: As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

    Man: Finally, solitude. I can read books for all eternity!

    [He drops his glasses]

    Man: It’s not fair… [panicked] it’s not fair! [calmer] Wait, my eyes aren’t that bad; I can still read the large-print books.

    [As he reaches for a book, his eyes fall out]

    Man: [hysterical] It’s not f-… [calmer] Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

    [His hands fall off. He screams, and then his tongue falls out. Then his head falls off.]

    Announcer: Hey, look at that weird mirror…