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  • This Shirt Makes America Look Fat / Tappy Feet

    Looking at the news this morning, it appears the U.S. is now trying to be a superpower on sheer poundage. As usual, I blame high fructose corn syrup (knock off the soft drinks kids, you’re drinking bottled fat!), but this doesn’t bother me as much as what I keep noticing lately: fat folk smoking. It seems everywhere I walk downtown, I see large people lighting up. Didn’t smoking used to be the thing people did instead of eating, to keep that rail-thin hipster physique? And is there one more really unhealthy thing they could be doing to get a triple threat going? Or do cigarettes now have corn syrup in them too?

    And then I read about Idaho senator Larry Craig who got busted for lewdness in a public bathroom. I get most of my news by listening to NPR in the morning, so I just now read the detail about him tapping his foot to solicit naughtiness in the stall. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t know that this foot tappy thing was a practice- I hate to admit that I don’t know some secret code. I just thought everyone at the airport toilet had restless leg syndrome. Okay, now what’s the actual rhythm, Shave and a Haircut, I’ll bet. Because that’s a classic that leaves itself open for a response.

    Our society is so full of Secret Society practices that I can’t keep up anymore. This goes way beyond the Jeep Wave. Any more you could enlighten me to in the Comments? Bonus points for real ones.

    Comments

    Comment from Eric
    Time: August 28, 2007, 10:19 am

    The best bathroom to use on my underground campus, the obscure one on the bottom floor of the library where you could do your business in peace, had a “glory hole” uncomfortably bored through the steel stall wall.

    I guess there’s other business that folks wanted to do in peace down there too.

    Comment from Parker
    Time: August 28, 2007, 10:25 am

    Meanwhile, here at the studio we’ve reached the consensus that one would tap out the beginning beat to “Modern Love” by Bowie.

    Comment from Eric
    Time: August 28, 2007, 12:42 pm

    I like to think of Craig tapping the double-bass drum rhythm of Metallica’s “One.”

    And of course, above, I meant undergrad campus. Though I wish I had a secret university.

    Comment from Andy Kunka
    Time: August 29, 2007, 5:40 am

    If you’re still confused about the Larry Craig incident, a Sacramento CBS station provides a handy re-enactment here: http://cbs13.com/video/?id=24308@kovr.dayport.com