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  • Not Postin’

    It’s not that I don’t have many brilliant insights this week, it’s just that I have many deadlines. I look forward to a productive, low-phonecall day tomorrow as everyone takes off for the Fourth, but then I might lose sleep time later when every yahoo fires off round after round of fireworks all over the city. Yes, it’s the day I magically turn 30 years older for a while and scream about how these things used to be illegal. I love fireworks displays SANCTIONED AND PUT ON BY THE CITY OR DISTRICT, but I do not care for the self-constructed pyrotechnic shows that hillbillies work up and keep going late into the night because all they have to do the next day is watch daytime television and spit in cups.

    Maybe I’ll stop at the war supply tent on the way home and get my kids some nice, pretty, quiet sparklers though. And water my house and grass thoroughly to make it all less combustible. I’ll probably post more later in the week. Actually I just realized that I’ve only gone one weekday not blogging, it seems like much longer. Hope you’re all out having some fun and enjoying some home time.


    Comment from David Oakes
    Time: July 3, 2007, 3:24 pm

    What happened to you, Parker? You used to be cool…

    Just be glad you live in a place where you can actually buy sparklers, or anything more flammable than a SnapIt or Christmas Cracker. Rather than having to outlaw everything because the last generation spent all the water trying to grow grass in the middle of the desert.

    Me, I went to the New Mexico Institute of Mining. You haven’t lived until an indistrial cone tips into the audience, or a student-loaded shell sets off every car alarm in Faculty Row with a ground burst.

    Comment from Mike Wieringo
    Time: July 3, 2007, 4:38 pm

    I was wondering what happened to you. Have a great FOURTH, Parker…

    Comment from Brett
    Time: July 3, 2007, 6:16 pm

    You tell them hillbillie kids to get off your damn lawn. I grew up in Hawaii and we lived on the hill that overlooks Pearl Harbor. Every 4th of July, New Years and Chinese New Years we could sit on the hill and watch what must have been millions of fireworks going off in the towns below. It was awesome. As a result I have a high tolerance for the unofficial shows, but I also have the mutant ability to sleep through darn near anything and that helps.

    Comment from Matt M.
    Time: July 3, 2007, 6:29 pm

    Man, we can’t even have sparklers out here. Sierra Nevadas are awful crispy this time of year. Of course, in the next county over (which is just as crispy), they can buy BOXES of fireworks at the gol-danged Target store.

    Comment from Craig
    Time: July 4, 2007, 6:17 am

    Parker, ya ole fogey! I loves me some neighborhood fireworks… whether I’m setting ‘em off or some other yahoo down the block. They’re free so relax and enjoy ‘em!

    Comment from Eric
    Time: July 4, 2007, 9:25 am

    But what do you do when the hillbillies fire off better fireworks than the municipality? Pass that spittin’ cup, I say.

    Comment from Ben Herman
    Time: July 5, 2007, 9:14 am

    Hey, if some brain-dead moron wants to blow his hand off with an M80, I say let him! It just means more material for this year’s Darwin Awards :)

    Comment from Chuckubus
    Time: July 5, 2007, 10:39 pm

    Finally, someone who will speak up for all good hearted people in these combustible times. Sure, all you guys can go off about how you can tolerate anything some yahoo wants to do on the fourth of July. But lets look at what Parker has done here. He’s stood up for right thinking people like me, by not only being agreeable to fireworks sactioned by a city, but he’s also taken a stand for those of us who can only be honored with fireworks provided by a “district.” See, Parker doesn’t care if it’s a city OR a district, he doesn’t rule out the entity that gets left out all the time, the “district.” It’s like if you only bought guitars at The Guitar Center, but never took your business to Don’s Music City.

    Here’s to YOU, PARKER!!

    Comment from Jeff Vice
    Time: July 9, 2007, 10:33 am

    Took me two car washings just to get all the soot and other crap off my car … from hillbilly-fired pyrotechnics that were set off next to my vehicle on July 4. Grrr!!! And anyone who thinks that fireworks are a Gawd-given right should have to fight all the wildfires going on here in Utah. I guarantee at least one was sparked by hillbillies with sparklers!

    Comment from Chuck Harrell
    Time: July 13, 2007, 10:00 am

    Aw, come on, Vice, everyone knows Hillbillys are just urban legend.